Unable to sleep, I sat on the edge of the bed, sipping a cup of hot chocolate. As I looked down at my sleeping husband sudden tears filled my eyes. Our day together had been difficult as he still suffers mental confusion since last summer's accident.
Today had been one of the hardest yet and despair clouded my soul. My heart cried out,
O Lord, I don't know what to do. Even as I whispered those words I thought of Abraham, the friend of God. He had waited long years for the son he and Sarah had been promised; it was the desire of their hearts. Abraham could tell his Lord all about it, because he knew his Master cared about every detail of their lives.
(See Genesis 15:1-5).Tears dampened my cheeks and in the best way I knew how, I gave to my Lord my own heart desires for our family. As I rolled each care on Him, peace came to quiet my troubled spirit. Afterwards I slept encircled in His arms.
Giving my Lord my heart desires that night reminded me of when I was young. The desires inside my heart weren't bad ones, some of them were indeed extra special--I think God even planted them. The problem was, I didn't trust Him enough to let go. I held them tight inside, refusing to release them. Instead of being a blessing, they turned into a weighty thing.
And all the time His voice kept whispering,
"Just give them to me, Eva." At last I picked up my Bible, a notebook and a pen and walked down to the creek. I sat down on top of the culvert that goes under the road. My feet dangled high over the bubbling waters as I began to write. Tears mingled with words only my Lord could see as I wrote them down. The desires of my heart were precious.
Then I leaned over and tossed my tear streaked words into the water, watched as the stream took the paper away.
All of a sudden I couldn't bear it. I kicked off my tennis shoes and lowered myself into the dark culvert. Would my paper come out on the other side or would it be submerged in the tunnel? I felt like a small child as I splashed through the swiftly running water. But I had to know, I had to see. White flashed on the other side, then was gone, hidden beneath the water. I ran toward the spot.
Stopped.
The desires of my heart were inside an indentation in a rock. It was the only rock in the creek and it was shaped like a heart.
I knew beyond all doubt that the most fragile part of me was in safe hands. The Lord held them close to His heart. In the best way I knew how, I'd done my part. My desires were His responsibility now. I had done what I needed to do. I gave my Lord the most precious thing I had--the desires of my heart.
As we offer to our Lord our sacrifice--our pain, our longings, whatever is inside us--a wonderful thing happens. He draws near.
"The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing" (Zephaniah 3:17 NIV).
